Filed under: General
On Friday night I played a short and fun DJ set in Kings Cross at a Michael Jackson tribute night (he was good before he went bonkers).
I even somehow slipped some 2 Live Crew in there.
After the set, my three beers needed somewhere to go, so I went to the loo.
All urinals full, I ducked into the cubicle.
What is it with guys and toilets in bars?
When they go out do they forget the simple “Point and Shoot” mechanism of their penises?
Do they attach a sprinkler system to the end of their knobs?
Are they channeling Brett Whitely and trying to create art?
Why is every nightclub toilet cubicle floor and seat covered in piss?
It’s not that hard lads, no matter how drunk you are, you simply hold on to both walls and aim for the hole in the middle. Eaaaaasy.
Is it because you don’t get to piss all over the floor and walls and seat in the toilet at your house that you feel the need to do it when out of the house?
I mean really!
My friend’s three year old son has better aim, and he is balancing on his tip toes to get over the rim.
So, simply put.
If you’ve had a few too many, and you need to wee (we all do) USE THE URINAL.
It’s a WHOLE WALL. You can’t possibly miss.
If you use the cubicle,
lift the seat, one hand on the wall, the other on your willy, relax, point and shoot.
Easy.
This is not primary school, and in the end it’s someone’s job to mop up your Smirnoff Ice-smelling urine.
Spare a thought for that guy/girl.
Other than that, I had a corker of a night, especially once my shoes dried out..
Thanks to the cute people who were dancing to the songs that I played, too..
xx aa
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Maybe they need to install in the men’s toilets an invention that a mother has created to toilet train children. It’s a bullseye that hangs in the middle of the toilet and when the children hit it, it reveals a picture when wet. Maybe the men’s one could reveal a picture of a naked lady when wet. That could inspire the male population to aim more accurately. Problem solved!
I can relate to this on the level that… geez no I really can’t relate to this. Sounds like you had an awesome night though.
I do really like the reappearance of the full youtube-less blog. Brilliant.
At least you didn’t get a nice cream surprise my friend got when she cleaned the toilets the other week.
Chicks toilets are just as bad. Normally with a some underage passed out with her head in the bowel. witting all over the walls. wet toilet paper all over the floor that is bound to get stuck to your shoe.
Do you DJ like Peaches Honeyblossom Michelle Charlotte Angel Vanessa Geldof ? Clear a floor in less then 30 seconds?
Too much alcohol = poor co-ordination = urine soaked cubicles = eeeeeeewwww!!
My son attends an all boys secondary school with 1000 students. The poor thing is constantly complaining about the state of the toilets – no booze there though, so maybe it is just pure laziness..very selfish too….
I like the ‘bullseye’ idea – I used fruit loops in the toilet bowl as targets for my son to aim at, and now at 15, he rarely misses!
But lets face facts here – even if you don’t use the urinal – you still have a VERY LARGE hole to aim in to. Is it really that hard guys?
My 7 year old is better at taking a shot.
i totally understand this situation… im the one that has to clean the bathroon when my half brother comes over and has a few too many to drink! ewwww!! for christ sakes how can sum guys hav such bad aim? even drunk they shouldnt be so terrrible…
i think the idea of a target in the loo is a good idea… but with sum guys would it even change a thing? lol. they need to clean up their act!!
What does “Niku Tabar ini Yasae Daki” translate to? Just wonderin’- or shouldn’t I ask!
Is it a David Lee Roth quote??
Arc Angel, it means “I don’t eat meat, I only eat vegetables” in Japanese.
XX AA
Thanks, I was bit afraid to ask! Thought it would be something you feel passionate about, like veganism or ‘croc’s’.
Thanks for the extra ink, I’ve gone all schoolgirl over that. One good turn deserves another – XXAA
Andrew, did you hear what Arj Barker said about you today on Triple J? Was quite funny I thought
Do tell Mr. Scientist?
xx aa
Amen. The least they could do is lean in a bit and fire straight down. Getting it all in the bowl is, for lack of a better phrase, a piece of piss.
Speaking of people speaking about you, this forum I go to was talking about you using the word ‘interwebs’ on national TV earlier tonight. I missed it, but still found the thought hilarious. The more internet memes referenced on TV, the better.
Tom xoxo
Well actually it’s Miss Scientist, I can’t fully recall as it was far to early in the morning for me to paying full attention but he said that he was extremely impressed by your poker skills, thought you were quite brilliant… but the victory dance was a bit much. He also said that he was in total awe of your hair (much discussion was then had over your hair the general consensus was that it is quite a magnificent thing) and that he sat looking at it quite alot the whole night (ages ago when you played some sort of celebrity poker game with him) which I personally I think is pretty good as Arj has some pretty fantastic hair stylings my friend.
Don’t know if it was really that funny. But interesting none the less. You could probably download and listen to it over in some time it was on Myf, Jay and The Doctor’s program.
Does this mean all the hard work we childcare workers do to encourage boys to take aim and fire in the right direction comes to naught when they venture out into the real world??
Quelle horreur!!!
Stonewall on Oxford St is the same and to make things worse they only have one bathroom for both males and females (I’m the latter). It really grossed me out having to try to pee without sitting on the actual toilet seat whilst standing in puddles of piss.