Australia, your brain is ready.
Serving up tonight?
Rob Mills hosting quizmania.
Oh baby.
At last!

Top work tiger.
Get in there and make a great one out of it.

Millsworth on the TV.
For hours and hours, just talkin’, givin’ stuff away and NEVER answering my phone, why am I always on hold Rob, why?
It’s $5 a minutes for chrisssakes!

Does late night telly get any better?
Good to see the young man back where he belongs, on the TV.

xx aa

Bust your bandwidth with some of these super tunes.
Put on a Fez hat and mix up a martini.
Bust out the Theremin and fire up the moog.
Dress up like a burlesque dancer and shake it to the floor tom.

We’re going to exotica land on SomaFm

Spiffy!

xx aa

Here’s a few things that I learned this week.

– No matter who you are or what you are doing, if you are over the age of twelve, DO NOT wear those fucking disgusting Croc shoes.
They are the sign that true armageddon approaches.

- Courtesy while driving comes back to you. Let people in when in traffic. What, you want to get to the red light faster? Road rage is for frustrated suburban fuckwits. Leave it be, turn up the radio and relax.

- Gene Simmons is a filthy, vile, arrogant pig. I wanted to be him when I grew up, but now he makes me want to vomit. Pity I still dance to his songs.

- Life’s too short not to have a hot, tattooed art-scene noise-artist girlfriend. (thanks G)

- It’s fun to ride my bicycle and give smug looks to smug looking people who drive hybrid cars.

- The new Justice record is fuckin’ awesome. Makes me wanna break out my old 303 again!

- Beer tastes good. Especially after a long day of bicycle riding. Asian beer is good. VB is like accidentally drinking dog urine.

- The Harry Potter movie was boring. I fell asleep for twenty minutes during the film. Will Hazza and Hermoine just shag please? It’s like 90210 in the later years, 26 year olds playing teenagers. Unfortunately, before it, I saw three seperate trailers for upcoming films about regular kids with magic powers. Yaaaawn. Rent “Kids” instead and scare the shit out of yourself.

- Racist jokes told by people of the race they make fun of are waaaay funnier than if a whitey tells it. They make you do that kind of uncomfortable laugh that feels really good because it’s sooo wrong, like the one that you do when your friend’s kid falls on their face and it’s just too funny, kind of like funniest home videos but real. You stop laughing coz you think it’s wrong to laugh, and then when everyone laughs you laugh like you’ve never laughed before, guilt free and enjoying the true humour of a solidly horrid racist joke. This goes for holocaust jokes told by Jews, Lebanese jokes told by Lebanese and Asian jokes told by Asians. That last one is pretty much the Punisherz whole act, which is why they rule.
It’s been an educational week.

xx aa

Last night I went to a brilliant club with some friends.
After enough vodkas to get us all dancing, the DJ played ‘Fatman Scoop’.
Me, and my really white friends all went ‘woo!’ and started shakin’ it like there’s no tomorrow.

Obviously we were shaking it in a really white way, because this African-American girl to my right started laughing her tits off at us dancing.

It was exactly like the Eddie Murphy stand up routine.
There was much pointing and laughing.

We were comedy.

I don’t care, it was super fun, and I’m glad I was able to enforce a racial sterotype a little further for everyone.
That stereotype being of course: White men can’t dance.

Well, me at least.
I’m as good as your drunk uncle at a wedding on a good night, as bad as your Dad on your birthday in front of your friends on a bad night.

I laugh at myself when I see me dance too, in fact!

xx aa

Recently, as you know, I went to Bali to Surf for a week.
Everyone I met cautioned me to “be careful, they have bombings there!”.
The DAFT smart traveller website said “seriously reconsider all non-essential travel to Indonesia including Bali”.
So many people are too afraid to travel to that beautiful, peaceful place.

I was in the UK last week for a full tilt, kilts on, highland wedding in Scotland. The wedding was awesome and I felt like Connor McLeod.

While I was there,
There was a major terrorist incident for three consecutive days that I was there, and the airport that I flew in and out of was car bombed, and was still smoking when I flew out of there..
The country went in to lockdown and was on the highest threat level that they have.
They arrested the terrorists only a few kilometres from where I was staying.

Now,
Will everyone I know warn me to not travel to the UK?
Will the DFAT website say “seriously consider not travelling”?

I doubt it.

xx aa