I should mention that this is the third time I’ve tried to read this (Impro) book, as a fanatical theatresports kid, I worshipped this man’s work, yet it’s a heavy read and therefore difficult. He’s the writer who has inspired me most in what I do for a living. His incredible perceptions of status are groundbreaking and worthwhile to explore even on a social level. His theories on teaching will blow you out of the water and should be read by anyone who’s disenchanted by this country’s education system. I’ve stopped reading this book twice before at the hard parts, but this time, I’m committing to you, dear blog reader, that I shall finish it. I have three different books that my friend who’s a publisher gave me to read on the road, so I’ll have to get a wriggle on.

I’m back in Adelaide. City of churches, shallow graves in the hills and bodies in acid vats. It’s good to be back. This is the city I moved to when I first came to Australia, so it’s home.

Yes, I’m an immigrant.

Have you gone and downloaded Young and Restless’ songs yet? They’re fucking great.

Anyway, the waves of Glenelg lap against my window, thus masking my tinnitus so it won’t keep me up tonight.

\/\/007

xx

I went and saw a few great bands last week, Young and Restless being one of them. Kicking hard punk rock from Canberra with a brilliant front woman, screaming away in her hot asian babe glory, barefoot in a ballgown with Karen O hair. So great, so raw, damn I needed it like a shot in the arm. They play melbourne on the 13th of May and will be great.

Anyway.

I’ve been reading IMPRO by Keith Johnstone and listening to Fela Kuti and JJ Cale a lot.
It’s all become rather eclectic around these parts.

See you in Adelaide.

xx a

Yes folks, it’s that time of year again, when we pile into taragos, dash-8′s and hotel rooms, and fling ourselves around the country in search of the next Australian Idol.

This is an opportunity to launch your career with proven results beyond a shadow of a doubt.
By the end of the year, you could be the most famous person in Australia.

For the right person, no matter WHAT genre of voice they have, all the tools, people and resources are there, ripe for your utilization to catapult you and your career into places you’d never dream of, and all before Christmas this year.

So, without further ado, here’s my list of tips if you’re coming to take this incredible trip with us.

1: Do this because all you’ve ever wanted to do since as long as you remember is to sing for people, to be on stage, to be an entertainer, to perform. Do this because music flows through your veins, because your passion for the stage boils inside you making you nervous and restless every moment you’re not under those lights. Do this because you imagine yourself on stage at the Sydney Entertainment Centre performing to a sold out crowd, and that’s the most natural thought in the world.

2: If you’ve got this far I love your chances already.

3: This show is about two things, singing first and foremost, and also, making the people of Australia fall in love with you. Personality gets you far, but you need to be able to back it up with your voice. A good voice gets you far, but if you’re boring as batshit, full of yourself or have any kind of attitude, it won’ t matter.

4: Do NOT sleep out on the street on the night before the audition. Bribe someone to mind a place for you in the line, or come on a later day if we’re there for more than one day. Sick and tired voices don’t sound good. Excuses don’t work either.

5: Concentrate during the day. Know your material backwards. Have a second song ready to go.

6: Choosing songs – Choose the song that MOST showcases WHAT KIND OF PERSON you are.
Shannon Noll’s ‘What about Me?’ – Genius.
Cle Wooten’s ‘Pussytown?’ Brilliant.
If you sing a song that showcases who you are, your emotional delivery will already be behind it. All that’s left to do is show the people auditioning you that you’ve got the skills, and most of all the POTENTIAL to be great.

Singing a million notes a phrase won’t get you anywhere. Simple and brilliant is best. If you’re a die-hard RnB singer, sing some Otis Redding or Chaka Kahn. Simple, strong, familiar melodies that you can deliver with power, precision and passion will get you further than trilling all over the place and overusing licks and improvisations. There’s time to show off later.

Pick a song that means something to you, because the emotional delivery is a big part of this. Session singers who’ve turned up and auditioned in years past fail because they hit the notes perfectly, but no-one believes that the greatest love of all is actually happening to them.

Singing a rock song? Throw down a classic, or something that gives you goosebumps. Make it mean something, deliver it like you mean it and you’ll go a long way.

Of course, I’m assuming that you know how to sing, how to hold a note, how to warm up, key, pitch, range etc.

I’m also assuming that you’ve sung for someone who isn’t your friend or relative and will give you an honest opinion, that you’ve recorded yourself somehow and listened back, that you can sing with accompaniment, without accomopaniment, and that you have the very best ninety seconds of your song ready to go.

7: Have fun with it. If you’re not having fun, the people watching the show won’t have fun. If you’re prepared and confident in your ability, you will have the room to relax and have fun.

8: Having said that, by doing this, you’re asking to be viewed as a music industry professional and you shoud approach this accordingly.

9: This show can take someone who works in a shoestore and make them into a superstar. That’s why I love it.

10: I recorded two CD’s in a little band in Brisbane in the early 90′s and gave up music for a job in radio. I now make a living talking. Bear that in mind when reading all this.

If you have any more questions, please ask.

I want everyone who has a crack this year to give it their best, and have the best shot that they can at this.

If you read this, and see me at the auditions, please let me know, I’d be interested to find out who’s reading it.

I wish you all the best, and please know that everyone on the show wants the next person to walk through the door to be the person that wins the whole show, so walk in there with that in mind. Have fun, be a star, put some zing in it, and remember that there’s SHOW in showbuiness.
See you on the road.

xx a

So in all of my despair about the pit of hate that my country is descending into, I turned – like I always do – to the great prophet Bill Hicks.

Now, there’s a lot of Bill’s work out there on the internet. Needless to say, he was persecuted throughout his brief career for vulgarity in his material. If you go looking for this stuff, mark my words, you will see and hear things that will make you uncomfortable.
This is your warning. If you already know about Bill Hicks, hooray for you. If you’ve never heard of him, DON’T go looking into it if you’re easily offended by discussions about race, sex, religion, sex, smoking, sex and pornography.

Once, Bill’s entire monologue from Dave Letterman’s show was censored.

He pulls no punches.

Having said all that, I believe that he was a sane voice of reason in this world of oddness, I don’t agree with all he says, but by crikey, he’s a great communicator.

I listened to two Bill Hicks albums today.

Here’a a bit that is on the not-so-offensive side of things.

Listen to his sermons if you dare.
He was a brave man.
(and yes, there’s swearing, adult themes and all sorts of nasty things that you’ve already seen on the internet but never told anyone about. Don’t watch it in fact..)

xx aa

If what happened on the beaches in December isn’t bad enough, this happened the other day.

I am so bewildered.

Taking a shovel to someone’s head because they’re from a suburb that you don’t like?
Patrolling your beach like a vigilante?
When did you make the rules over who could and couldn’t walk on the sand?

When did it become ok to be a bigot in my country?
When did the flying of the Australian flag no longer represent patriotism, but jingosim?
Speaking of which, have you noticed that every surf manufacturer has put the Australian Flag on their boardshorts/t-shirts this season?
Fuel to the fire?

I quote again the second verse of our national anthem,

For those who’ve come from ‘cross the seas,
We’ve boundless plains to share

I guess these small minded thugs take that with a fundamentalist attitude, as it doesn’t mention beaches.

For fuck’s sake, wake up Australia.
Racism and Xenophobia are the refuges of the small minded.

Do whatever you can in your sphere of influence to guide people like this out of their ways, and turn them on to alternate ways of thinking.

Be compassionate, and non-judgemental. Help guys like this out of the trodden paths of behaviour of those before them.

Don’t make them wrong for feeling that way, or you’ll never get a result.

Just try and move them to consider another option, and to consider what the other party feels.

Every bit you can do makes a difference.

I love my country. I will not see it become a sanctuary for bigotry and racism.

xx aa

School’s about to go back in huh?

Watch and rejoice.

Van Halen Rule forever.
Eddie Van Halen is the most under-rated guitar player ever.

Please, can rock bands make more videos like this?

xx aa

After much deliberating, I have decided to re-activate (read: found lost password) my myspace account.
click here for it

Let’s be web 2.0 like the 1337 kidz.

x a

I spent the weekend in Mexico.

It’s a country of one simple phrase – “Why Wouldn’t You?”.

Why Wouldn’t You:

Rent a Jet Ski to someone with a only thirty second lesson in operation given in broken English? After all they have signed a waiver and if they fall and hurt themselves it’s their fault anyway?

Ride around, NT style, in the back of a Ute doing 110km/h with six other guys?

Instead of offer a drunk person at the bar a water or a cab home, rach above you, ring a bell and pour out six tequila shots for him to do with the bar staff?

Sell scarves, trinkets, weed, coke and crack on the beach to drunk American tourists?

Have bars and restaurants right on the beach, completely degrading the foredunes? (Handy when you need a margarita and don’t want to leave your towel, however.)

There’s a lot to be said about a country like Australia that has laws to govern everything, regulations to stop people from hurting themselves, (firmly implanted in peoples’ minds as a source of alternate revenue due to numerous legal cases), and rules that apply to aspects of life usually out of reach of the government.

What happened to having personal responsibility and dealing with the consequences on yourself and your community like a responsible member of that community?
Does the government have to play the role of Mummy?
By doing so are we rearing a generation of people with a diminished sense of responsibility?

A sense of the consequence of your actions on yourself and those around you (those known and unknown to you) is essential for survival in an increasingly crowded world.

Bugger that, it’s what makes you human.

Just doing things without thinking of others is a selfish, foolish way to be.

These are just a few things I was thinking of while I waited for another perfect right hand longboard wave in the Yacutan Peninsula.

I do miss my red-tape wrapped country, however they don’t have cracking Mariachi Bands like this one…

xx aa

Ok, Las Vegas is like someone made a giant Gold Coast and put it in the middle of the desert.
First thing I did getting after off of the plane (and yes, there’s pokies at the boarding gate, and yes people play them), was head to the hotel.

The first thing you notice about the place is that it is huge. The casinos seem to have no fewer than 2000 rooms each. That’s a lot of housekeeping!

We stayed at the Mirage (where Matt Damon wanted to end up in ‘Rounders’) and the first thing you notice walking into the place is the smell.
They pump a piña colada scent into the air, employees say it’s so you don’t smell the propane from the artificial volcano outside, but I think it’s one of those psycho-olfactory scent things to make you gamble more.

It was the first mega casino on the strip, and the place where Sigfried and Roy had their show, before one of the famous white tigers tried to rip Roy’s head off on stage one time. You can still see the tigers there too.

The whole building looks like 1989 sneezed and a casino popped out. Gaudy, yet amazing.

Vegas is a city of opulence. The buffets overflow with fresh produce that sits there and goes off while grannies punch poker machines and kids in Sudan starve. (Not that there’s a shortage of shrimp cocktails in Sudan.)
People ride around in Limos as long as city blocks, but don’t go anywhere because the traffuc is so bad.
I was really freaked out by how many kids were there. Sitting on the Casino floor. Hanging out with all these adults smoking and drikning and cursing. Can’t be good for a young tacker.

As far as my night in Vegas?
What I recall of it went something like this:
Champage, Shots, Dinner, Champagne, somehow managed to get into a party for the owner in a nightclub seemingly inhabited by only models, after dancing lots off the Wynn Casino to look at the big waterfall and for some mojitos and blackjack ($300 thanks very much), Spearmint Rhino to look at some boobies (besides the casinos, I think the boob doctor is making the most cash in Vegas), back to the Mirage for poker around 4am. I sat and gambled for four more hours,( a few more hundgies thanks very much) finally making it up to the room at about 8:30am. Not only was I rather shady, but with daylight savings it was now 9:30. My plane left in two hours. I made the flight by thirty seconds.

Thank fully I needed no bat-proof hat, however the golf shoes may have come in handy at the strip club.

Vegas was awesome. 24 hours there quite enough, 48 may be too much, a week? I’d lose it.

A few observations:
Because street drinking is legal in Nevada, people walk around the place with booze clutched in their pudgy, too many twninkies hands.
I learned that just because you CAN stumble around the street with a plastic cup full of beer and a lit cigar in your hand, wearing shorts, sneakers and a WWF shirt, doesn’t make it a good look.

There’s a phrase there that says “what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas”. I can see why now.

Hooray for letting hair down for a while, Yay for being in my jammies at home writing this, away from that place.
It was fun, but a bit much.
I can’t wait to go back, yet the piña colada smell is still in the back of my throat.
x a

In 45 minutes I get on a plane to Las Vegas.

Aviator Sunglasses: Check
Golf Shoes: Check
Bat Proof Hat: Check

A full report to follow.

I’m going all in.

xx aa