A quick rundown of what went on. Complete with typos.

Detour? Detox!

So we toured for three weeks and saw a zillion people along the way. My brain is porridge. I am alive only thanks to coffee and vitamin B. I saw Townsville and Tasmanina in the one tour.. I can hardly write anything, all I’ll say is keep watching the secret life of bus to see what went on.

It was so fantastic to meet you all, thanks for coming to say hi!

What’s some highlights of the tour?

Townsville - the pool at the hotel and the amazing crowd at that racetrack. So hot and great to be back in Queensland.

Mackay- A ravenous crowd so much fun – The lovely girls from the local brothel came by after the show to offer me a free one. I was flattered, but no thanks!

Rockhampton – The first vert show. Awesome stuff. Hot and Steamy. I dry retched so hard from smelling the mincemeat in ‘tough love’ that my feet left the ground and I spat up bile. Even though I’m dreaming about burgers at the moment I think it will still be quite a while before I’m back on the beef.

Bundaberg – We hung at Bargara beach for the arvo and it was tops. At the showground, I saw a very serious man tackle ‘Smells like teen spirit’. Lighten up tiger. Then we slept.

Caloundra – A complete fuckwit threw a firecracker on stage and landed between our cameraman’s legs and right near my heavily pregnant friend Yumi. I pushed the cammo out of the way and thankfully his steel capped boot was over it when it exploded, driving the force of the explosion downwards. Please, before you think about how cool your mates will think you are for being such a hard arse throwing a thing on stage, think about how you’d feel if you’d caused a foot amputation and a miscarriage. Throwing shit at people who’ve worked hard all day to bring you a free show is just plain disrespectful.

Brisbane  – I watched Bucky Lasek Skate for the first time today. He skates like I breathe. The guy’s a freak. The nicest fella that I have met in ages. And he’s world #1. Cool. I saw my mum for ten minutes of Mum cuddles today, she came and had lunch with the crew.. First time I’ve seen my Mum in six months. I love her so much. Pete Murray was great today, too. So good to be back in my hometown!!

Tweed Heads – After a cheeky surf at Duranbah, we headed to the site. Up to this point this was the biggest thing that Channel [v] has ever done by ourselves..awesome. I was a mini Homebake!! SO great to see everyone, all had a great time and everyone weas cool. Bets thing about today was that those who had brought booze sat out of th eway from the people who just wanted to dance, that ws great because there’s nothing that hurts a 14 year old girl more than a longneck in the back of the head after some drunk yobbo threw it at the stage. What is it with people who throw shit on stage? Why do it at all? SO sad to see Magic Dirt go. They are the best. Oh and we got in BIG BIG trouble at the hotel after the show for making too much noise. Actually that happened every night on the tour come to think of it. I don’t think that any of them will have us back! Oops.

Sydney – Bucky under the big top. He’s amazing.

Wollongong -  It was a crazy indoor/outdoor show. 3000 in the car park watching the Vert, another 1000 inside. 1200 Techniques are so great! Regurgitator have so still got all that it takes an more.. So great to see them again! Sorry to see Bucky go from the tour. He was incredible.

Canberra – Due to a scheduling oversight, unable to pick up reqired supplies of fireworks and porno. Spewing. Oh well. Back to the joys of broadband.

Shepparton – Russell Grundy Crash tackles me and grinds my elbow into four hours worth of punter rubbish and sweat in the gravel in the front of the stage. My arm weeps pus ofr the next week.

Bendigo – A beautiful town full of beautiful people. Bodyjar were so good, Guy Sebastian was brilliant as always, and the thousands that turned up kicked arse. I loved today. Then Jabba let of fireworks in the showring over dinner, much to the delight of all.

Melbourne - 5000 people, a gaint vert ramp, Cat Empire, 28 days and Dashboard Confessional. I loved today. I was totally freaked by the amount of people fainting in the crowd. A word of advice  – if you’re in the hot sun dancing to bands all day, be sure to have eaten and drunk some water. It’s really important. We all know what happens to people who faint standing up and can’t lie down becasue they’re in a mosh don’t we? Simply take a bottle of water in there with you – don’t rely on security to keep you hydrated. Your health is your responsibility. We went out on the piss that night starting at the lounge, then.. well.. It ended up at Q bar at 4am in a haze of record company bar tab action. When I’m out people put the most interesting things in my pockets without me knowing. You’d be surprised what I find in there when I empty them when getting on the plane the next day after being somewhere!

Launceston – Toby, Sam and James showed Yumi and I around the Cataract Gorge. Launceston was the first  place we’d been to that the locals didn’t say ‘aw this place is shit – why’d you come here!’. They all loved it. We went to the most tragic karaoke bar I’ve ever been to ever. And I’ve been to some bad ones! The two worst Djs in the universe MC’d it  – DJ Loco took it apon himself to replace his name with fiddy’s when doing ‘in da club’. Garry North (uncle pervy to JNN viewers) and I pulled out ‘Howzat’, ‘On the cover of the rolling stone’ and ‘Friday on my mind’. I sang so out of tune it was fabulous. Then one of the DJs insited on putting on his 200 bpm chipmunk vocal thirty-two bar snare roll remix of Shannon Noll’s ‘What about Me?’. It was truly shit. I protested by walking out. Yumi protested by pegging ice at him so it hit him in the head. He took the record off promptly.. 

The only thing that freaked me out more than that shit  remix of an otherwise cool song, was the consitent reminders of the massive and appaling genocide that went on in this state. An army mached across a state and pushed an entire race of people off cliffs into the ocean? An army killed every member of a race in a display of ethnic cleansing? Yep. It all happened in Tasmania. There’s not one place on the island with an Aboriginal place name. Freaked me out.

Hobart  – I was so stoked to be there. SUch a great way to end the tour. I’m so sorry to everyone who couldn’t get in, you missed my phenomenally out of tune rendition of ‘Am I ever gunna see your face again’. I was so shit, but it was such fun! The vert skaters finished the tour in such style, putting a trestle table at the top of the ramp and sessioned the hell out of it. And we got in more trouble at the hotel too. And the restaurant for starting a food fight. If we ever tour again, I doubt they’ll let us stay in the same places. I went to the Tasmanian Map Centre the next day and bought a few maps of Tassie for friends. *snickers*

I’m in Melbourne for the Grand Prix so I’ll see you down there for various amounts of trashbaggery.

My couchsurfers have all left. My apartment is mine again. I shall go home today and run around nude again for the first time since before Christmas. Oh the joys of living alone! At least now I will know that the pubes in the sink are definitley mine.

email me if you don’t mind waiting a while for a reply. I’m back in town for a while.

Take care my friends – love to you all!

x g-money