Quick observations. Nikko pen, Pink bits and a summer fling. Woo!

Well g’day there, it’s Sunday morning and I think I really should have written sooner. This is the last time I’ll write until the 25th of December, so if you’re feeling the feelings of the season, yay to you. Here’s mine..

This is going to be the first of my twenty-nine christmas experiences that I won’t be having with immediate, blood related family. I was going to go up to Brisbane but it all became too hard. I’m going to stay home and play scrabble with a few close friends who are stuck in Sydney for the day – it’s going to be ‘Andrew’s Super Scrabble Christmas Special’ with the pinball and surfing available on DVD extras. Not really but it sounded funny.

I used to love Christmas, until I moved back to Adelaide and it was 42 degrees the day I landed. I walked through Rundle Mall in this searing desert heat, thinking for the first time about how the hell they built a city here in this barren place, and seeing for the first time all the commercial Christmas things in context. Australia has very little snow, and it certainly isn’t about in December. Australia has no native conifers that look like pine trees and certainly no native reindeer, yet there’s shopping centres full of all of these things, and fifteen different Santas (one on each floor) to entice you into buying things. I felt all cheated when I had that thought. Sorry to be baaah humbug, but that’s not what it’s about.

I’m not the world’s greatest Christian. In fact I don’t think I am one anymore, I was baptised that way, went to school that way, but kind of lost it. In fact, it was more of a deliberate decision to let it go. However, this festival, this holiday (from holy day – thanks scrabble) is about the birth of a pretty influential guy (Christ) about 2000 years back and all the things that went on at that time. All the animatronic mangers in the world nestled in between the Lego and Barbie aisles won’t help you matey, even if the robot Joseph pulls the robot Jesus Foetus from the robot Mother Mary while the Robot three kings look on in all their jerky animatronic glory in between price check calls over the P.A. on the third floor, it still won’t save your soul Mr. Department store. But if you simply take the Christ out of Christmas by calling it Xmas, and Bob’s your auntie’s live in lover, yo’ve washed your hands of all real significance and you get get on with selling stuff.

Christmas for me isn’t about presents or ham or turkey or anything. Especially the presents, much to the dismay of those around me who revel in the present thing. However, I did get my Dad a coffee machine that he uses every day last year, and therefore thinks of the first time we made coffee from it together every day, so well, yeah I sometimes like giving things too.. But for me, it’s all about being around people whom you love to be around, it’s the feeling of seeing your Mum or Dad again for the first time in ages, it’s the warm fuzzy you get when you give them a hug and tell them that you love them, and that you missed them while you were away. It’s about having a few days away from work to relax with those closest to you and enjoy their company. And for those reasons, I love this time of year. Unfortunately, you can’t sell that feeling can you? So we’re bombarded with advertising and brainwashing trying to convince us that a hug is not enough! No, you MUST buy a hairdryer or some other thing to prove that you love those around you.

I don’t need a special day to give my friends and family a gift.

I’ll do it every day if I like.

On Christmas eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day, I’m going to hug and laugh and drink and eat and feast and snooze and swim and play pinball and read and swear and chat up and swim and surf and sleep and burp and eat more and play scrabble with my friends and I’m going to love it. Whatever you celebrate this time of year, have a great safe and fabulous time with those that you love, I know I will.

After Christmas of course comes that weird limbo between Boxing Day and new years. You find yourself asking questions like ‘What day is it?’, “Are my new years eve plans cool enough”,”Oh no, how many days left until I go back?”.

Whatever you do, here’s a few guidelines that will make sure you get out alive..

1 - Stock up on the vitamin B. Two before you go out drinking, two when you get home, and throw a spacer in every few beers, a juice or a water or something.

2 - Wear earplugs. Don’t sit there and tell me ‘but G I want to hear the music!’. I thought that the treble control on my car stereo was busted until I gave someone a lift the other day and he remarked ‘can you turn the treble down, the cymbals are making my ears bleed’. When I meet people, I have to ask them their names three times because ‘Todd’ and ‘Rod’ and ‘Bob’ all sound the same. Wear earplugs. They cost fifty cents. Your hearing is priceless.

3- Give people benefit of the doubt. It’s late, you’ve all been drinking, it’s been a stressful time of year for all of us. When you’re out, and get bumped so your beer spills, stared at uncomfortably, or in a conflict situation, smile and say ‘no problem’. Yes, you’ll get your drink one minute later, or have to face the other direction, or get a little damp (oh dear, I’d better get out of these wet clothes..can you help me? Etc) but you’ll also leave the club/pub/party with all your teeth and nose intact, and your loved one not pissed at you. Just relax, we’re all here to have fun. And if not? Call security – they love to educate people in a bit of Christmas Cheer, it’s their job, let them do it.

4 – AND MOST IMPORTANT. Wear condoms. For everything. You may have got many gifts over these few days but you don’t want the ‘gift that keeps on giving’. There are so many nasties out there that can infect your bits, and you can get them from doing all sorts of fun stuff. The only way to have fun and be safe is by using condoms. So yeah ladies you may not like the taste of latex, but how would you feel if you picked up something and passed it on without knowing? Especially if you ‘really liked this guy’. What kind of a way is it to start a relationship with a girl lads? – “Hi it’s Steve from the other night, I had a really good time and I think you’re heaps cool and I was wondering, can we see each other again?…. No? ….It hurts when you wee?” Oops.. There are about ten STI’s that have no symptoms at all, and you can pass them on very easily. When you go out, take condoms with you, if not for you, for your friends. So many of you email and write and stuff so I feel like I know a few of you that’s why I’m all cranky on this one. So many of you write and tell about not using protection “she looked like a great girl” or “He was such a sweet guy”. Then show them that you care crikey! Tarp up!

‘But G – I’ve got the implant, I can’t get pregnant” Yeah that’s one thing, but it’s not going to stop all sorts of nasties making their way up your urethra and destroying your insides is it? Sex is heaps of fun and great to do and really, it’s quite a wonderful thing to share with someone that you’re into, but it can ruin your bits forever (Herpes) make you sterile (Chlamydia) kill you dead (HIV/AIDS) and it can take all of the money that you’ll ever make for the rest of your life (Kids). No condom? No fun for you. Condom? Tarp up and have the time of your life. How much do you think about putting on a seat belt so you don’t fly through the windscreen? How about putting the harness on when you’re on a rollercoaster? Or even putting suncream on? You do all of these things to protect yourself. So do this too. If you’re going to do it, do it right, so that you can do it again (and again and again and again – must remember to set the alarm earlier in the morning so there’s time for one more before work etc..)

Can you tell that my Mum ran a sexual health clinic when I younger?

Well, now I’ve got that out of the way have a great time over the next few days, and listen to some great music while you’re having Christmas cheer/silly season inspired safe sex ok?

I’m cranking the iPod this week with

Money Mark – A change is coming : The keyboard player from the Beastie Boys, slick record, funky as.

Afrikafunk : A compilation of what the bands in Africa were doing around the time of the Superfunky James Brown era.

Jack Johnson – On and On: Well it’s summer and there’s surf out the window, so crikey – it’s what the waves sound like!

Have a great time, email if you like – I’m at home if you need me..

All the end of year love, xx G money..

Public Enemy, Resin Dogs, NIck Cave and Duran Duran rocked my world this week, as small amounts of sleep and interesting adventure came my way this weekend.

What the hell? I learn something new every day  – this week I learned about fifty things. Here’s a few…

1: Public Enemy was the best show I have seen since Prince. So solid, so huge – ten guys on stage, the S1W’s Professor Griff, Chuck D and Flavour Flav showing us how it’s done for real. Awesome live band, killer sound (sooo frikkin loud) I couldn’t stop dancing! All the hooks were on vinyl It’s inteesting that on the same night I was watching these Gods of Hip Hop perform, there were twenty thousand people in a enormodome somewhere watching 50 cent rhyme about bullet holes in his tongue. I wonder if they realise that there’s no way they’d be there had it not been for Public Enemy. They played for three hours. They rocked the house like only they could. The whole theatre was jumping and I screamed along with everybody in the room ‘Bass! How low can you go?”  – Damn it was good. Hip Hop with a political voice is something I’ll never tire of. Need an introduction? Get “Apocalypse ’91 the enemy strikes Black” and “Fear of a Black Planet”. Don’t believe the hype! It was so great. I will rave more about another gig to you in a sec.

2: Homebake was so much fun. We worked all day and it was super cool to say hello to everyone that came up to say g’day. We talked to some great bands, we ate yummy vegan catering and then when it was all over, I went and stood side of stage to watch the Resin Dogs (I tried watching the Vines but seriously lads – I couldn’t deal with the warbling. I like your songs and you rock but the lure of the Dogs was too strong). So I stood side of stage with Pauly B (super muso of the universe who runs the Doggie’s monitors – the things that let them hear themselves) and DANCED MY ARSE OFF with about 9000 other people in that tent. Here’s just a quick note to people who see bands under big tops at the upcoming festival season. Don’t climb the scaffolding. Yeah you think you’re cool but when you slip and fall (because you’d only do it off your tits on drugs and alchohol) you won’t just kill yourself  – you’ll take three or four people who are just enjoying their day with you. Selfish bastard. Anyway – Resin Dogs rocked like freaks and they are the best live band you’ll dance to ever. and Nick Cave? I want a black suit and a grand piano too. So melancholy, so serious, so dire, so sombre, so fantastic. It was just brilliant, I even managed a tear during ”Into my arms”. Go and grab a Nick Cave best of now.. Just don’t listen to it if you’ve just broken up or something..

3: When at a house party – be aware that you’re in someone’s house. You’re in their place, their sanctuary from the world. There are two places you should be – the party area and the bathroom. That’s it. Don’t go into a bedroom and shag or whatever unless you ask the host (it’s just polite) and don’t go exploring. And most of all, don’t steal anything. I’m talking cd’s clothes and cash. Steal it and you’ll bring bad Karma on yourself for ever. It’s pretty low to steal anything, and at a house party it’s even worse. And that goes for your mate’s cousin who tagged along with you. You are responsible for them. You wouldn’t want it to happen to you would you? (sorry. It was a mate’s great party and I couldn’t belive that someone would do that to them)

4: I went to melbourne for the Robbie Williams press conference, and well – after work was done and official duties were out of the way I went a bit silly. pushed a few envelopes. Expanding the horizons so to speak. Didn’t think you could have that much fun in Melbourne on a Monday night – it was off the hook! Thanks to all the fine people who looked after me and helped me have a great time.  The press conference was at Spearmint Rhino – a strip club. I spent my morning hanging around Robbie Willams and a bunch of strippers. What I said before about these ladies is absolutely true – they’re all fabulous, all someone’s duaghter, someone’s sister, someone’s girlfriend etc. They are beautiful women who deserve extra respect for doing their job. I found them all really intelligent and together, quite balanced and just fun to be around. Oh yeah – and Robbie’s just ace.

5: Duran Duran was the coolest thing I’ve seen since Public Enemy. Every song on the set is a hit. They sounded so great. Check them at the Robbie Williams show. They’re freaking brilliant. They never lost it, they’re still incredible and wear smiles that only selling 60 million albums and shagging the hell out of supermodels constantly for twenty years can give you. I was honoured to be there. Was great to see everyone in the crowd enjoying it so much.

6: Watching the sun rise from the other side of midnight is great. I watched the sunrise this morning. Saw it pop up over the edge of the world like a big fat orange sun like thing. Not pissed from my window eating toast about to go to bed like I have a few times in the last few weeks, but floating about on my surfboard in the pre dawn surf session. It was magic. In the water by 5:30am, catching little two footers on the long board, nice and relaxed, just fabulous. It’s fun switching between the short board and the long board – riding one is helping me get better at riding the other.. I had so much fun, and saw the most beautiful woman out with her husband surfing together. They had custom made surfboards, hers with a beautiful Varga – style girl air-brushed on the nose.  I thought it was so cute, they were smiling at each other catching the same wave and stuff, it was so cute. I went up and did yoga to stretch out the surfing and then ate breakfast enjoying the sunshine, and it wasn’t even 8am yet. I love mornings.

7: Those nudies acome in bottles that are far too small. I want them in bigger bottles Damnit! I buy them two at a time. Perhaps that’s what they want me to do…

8: You should all be at [v]HQ Thursday 22nd Jan. Because my second favourite band in the universe will be there that day too.

9: We had a meeting about the Big Day Out and the Bus today – I can’t wait for all of that to start!! Can’t wait to meet you all..

What’s rocking Andrew G’s iPod this week?

Late Night Tales: Jamiroquai – A copmilation of cool as, super slick funk and late night groove tracks  – plus there’s a story on the last track told by Brian Blessed who’s the big hawk man from the Flash Gordon Film. It’s a series, so I’ll need to get them all to hear the end of the story! 

Pete Rock : He’s coming on the show next week and has got a very slick new record. Great laid back hip hop.

Fischerspooner: I got this album about a year ago but damn I put it on the other day and it still kicks arse.

 What are you listening to? WHat do you look like when you listen to it? If you want, send photos and playlists to this address. I’ll do my best to write back. thanks for reading this far, thanks for all of your letters! All love. x andrewg

So I went away – surfed, ate lots of mexican, felt like a dumb tourist and played tonnes of scrabble.

One week to live, a year to recover.

I’m fresh back from a week on the North Shore of Hawai’i and what a week it was let me tell you. I learned a few things while I was over there – here’s a small slice.

1: I’ve read in magazines for years about how heavy the local scene is over there, and I can’t believe that I’m about to write these words – but please, heed them if you ever head there. The perfect waves and perfect girls that frequent the North Shore of Hawaii are in rare supply and high demand. They are both fiercely defended by the locals. If you consider having fun with either, approach with extreme caution and untmost respect for those whose neighbourhood this is, don’t drop in on anyone – that’s anyone on waves or girls.

2: While driving about in a convertible was cool, if not wierd that it was on the otherside of the road, I chose the wrong kind of car for my mission. In the words of Occy, who rode his bike past me laughing out loud “not very low key for the north shore of Hawaii G!” – I was so shamed out – don’t choose the Banana Yellow mustang convertible that only fits your surfboard when the top is down..WANKER MOBILE, suited me perfectly.

3: I drove around to the east side of the Island to get a few smaller waves (not ready for the thirteen footers at Sunset yet) and learned to stand up on my short board. All I want to do is surf now. It’s all I think about. I want to do it now. www.aquabumps.com to see what I see every morning that makes me just not want to go to work!

4: When paddling out for a surf and hearing the super loud hurricane warning sirens go off – turn about and paddle back in. You don’t want to be get a free tour of the south pacific on your surfboard!

5: I went to a benefit for Bethany Hamilton, the thirteen year old pro surfer who lost her arm to a shark three weeks ago. She’s the bravest person I’ve ever seen – up and about walking through the crowd, smiling and happy with a little stump at her shoulder. I am tiny next to her. She’s incredible – didn’t care that people stared and stuff one bit. Check her site out at www.bethanyhamilton.com I wish I was as brave as her!

6: David Lee Roth (well the beach boys) were right all along. I wish they all could be California Girls. Oh my my my. They sit on the beach in bikini bottoms and a skimpy tops, then paddle into ten foot faces at Gas Chambers. They made my knees wobble. They have hair that does incredible things in the wind, they have eyes that sparkle in the sun. They have great tattoos and don’t mind that you don’t have cheese on your burrito. woo. And best of all, they play Scrabble. I played every single day and night with a bunch of mates and had a blast. Beer, Scrabble and Surfing. Was kind of hard to come back to work actually.

Albums that I pumped really loud on the Mustang Convertible driving about being a wanker:

Dr. Dre the chronic: Benchmark Album of hip hop.

Aerosmith Greatest Hits: Dream On made eminem sing for the moment

James Brown 50th anniversary collection: Ben Gillies doesn’t have this man tattooed on his body for nothing, y’know!

Led Zeppelin – The early years: Good times, bad times – you know I’ve had my share…

The Roots – Things fall apart : Breakthrough album, brilliance from the greatest hip hop BAND in the universe.

Neptunes Presents: Clones - I was just frontin’.. Pharrell is my hero.

Public Enemy are touring. GO and see why hip hop is hip hop. If you want, send me an email if you like – I’ll try and write back, but I do read every one.. Thanks for reading this, it’s just some crap I come up with but I hope you like it.. x andrewg