So I have a week off, what am I going to do? Go to Hawaii and fall off my surfboard because I suck at surfing but I’m going to try and get better at it. I’ve had a rather interesting week, that involved amazing underground dance parties, a rugby game, scrabble into the late hours, and being a part of the largest non-news related television event in Australian History.

Crikey. One thing that I have noticed recently is that phone manners have gone out the window. So here’s my quick guide to telephone manners for the new century. They’re particularly relating to mobiles because everyone has one and they’re the worst offenders.. They’ll win you respect from your peers and joy from those around you.

1: Mobile phones ring, and then offer you a choice. Answer? Yes or No? Well, if you’re in the middle of a conversation with someone, always ask if you mind taking the call. It’s the equivalent of just ignoring what the person in front of you is saying and talking straight to someone else. If they don’t mind, make the call quick and get off the line to call back later. You don’t always HAVE to answer your mobile. Always show respect to where you are before you hit ANSWER. If you’re at dinner, in the movies, at the doctors, a funeral or wedding, perhaps walk outside to take the call. No one wants to hear you yak on to someone loudly in a pubic place, and no one wants to be blanked for a phone call.

2: The text message will still be there in three minutes. If we’re speaking, and your phone beeps, just wait until there’s a break in conversation before checking your phone. Don’t text someone when you’re being talked to, and don’t check your phone in the middle of a conversation. The person standing in front of you always has priority.

 3: Any more than a three text exchange on a subject needs a phone call. Go on. Stop thumbing your phone with “so r u gna b upstairs or down?” just call them!

4: when text flirting, always remember – one for one. Don’t get too keen!

5: When calling someone you’ve not spoken to before, introduce yourself before asking who that is – getting this one..ringring … “hello?” “Is that Steve?” sucks. Try it this way – ring ring “hello?” “Hi this is Andrew, from channel [v] – is that Steve?” You know what I mean? You feel less interrogated when people introduce themselves. It’s only manners.

6: Get a decent ringtone. Factory preset ringtones are boring as batshit. (I’ve got pharrell and Snoop’s “beautiful” at the moment – it’s ace. I know I am coming across a little fuddy here, but manners are the best thing in the world. They cost nothing, anyone can own them, and they are truly the most valuable thing that anyone can possess.. Oh yeah and the chicks (and their mums) love it. Summer and all associated amorous past times return for another year, so a quick analogy about long term and short term relationships that a dear friend told me the other day. Finding a boyfriend or girlfriend is kind of like a day at Dreamworld.. You’ve got to go on all the rides before you find the one that you want to stay on all day. There’s going to be rides that you go on two or three times before you figure out they’re not for you, some will be too boring, others will make you sick, some may even be far to scary to even try, but just make sure you buckle up that safety harness before you do anything and you’ll be fine. Happy summer of love. Woo!

What’s on the iPod this week when I’m….

Shagging.. Late Night Tales – Jamiroquai (a compilation series that’s ace!)

Running Late.. Rage against the Machine live in Los Angeles (Brutal Brilliance from four very angry men. The first time that I heard the outro chant of killing in the name of is still one of the turing points in my life – I get chills when I hear it!)

 Dancing.. All the bootlegs at www.culturedeluxe.com I love a good mash up! I’m off on Holidays so email if you like, but I won’t write back until the first week of December.. take care and have fun!

 x andrewg

Cute canadian hitchikers, factory farms, something about cops and which album I’ve found best to shag to this week.

get your hands off of my woman mothertrucker..
6 Nov 2003

So how are you all? I’m trying to answer as many emails as I can, but I do read every one of them..(I can read faster than I can type y’see)

That’s a photo of the bath tub at the house party I went to on Saturday night. Was a bunch of fun, fireworks on the roof, DJ in the living room etc. A handy hint: Always splash out and buy the odd looking beer to dump in the bath at the house party. Anyone can say “yeah I brought my own VB” but when you question why they too like the “Ibisu Extra Dry” from Japan, they’ll be so busted.

SO here’s a few things that I thought I’d tell you about this week..

1: Gay men everywhere, listen up. No matter how many times you tell me “it’s alright, I’m gay”, it is SO VERY NOT COOL AT ALL to just reach out and grab girls’ boobs and beavers. Your curiosity is understandable, but at least find a like-minded friend who’ll allow you to explore the other side if you like, but just grabbing girls’ bits and saying “oh I’m gay it’s fine” is REALLY NOT FINE AT ALL. Sorry to tell you, but the amount of groundwork that is required before copping a feel is immense, flirting, cute glances, dinner, a drink even meeting the parents all have to be done in some form or other before that territory is even approachable. And believe it or not, girls don’t like having their personal space invaded, by anyone. Guy, girl, straight, not straight – at least ask nicely first. Sorry. That one’s been pissing me off for a while.

2: Public Enemy and Naughty by Nature are touring. GO and see why 50 cent and Eminem can do what they do. Let Chuck D tell you about fighting the power and you’ll bring tha noize together. Killer.

3: Messing with another’s other is not on. However, if you’re the other of another and are leading an other other on for the attention – please don’t. It’s very confusing for the other other to deal with. No-one likes to be a pawn.

4: If you can, try and stay mates with people you used to be intimate with. Don’t waste the fun and happy parts that got you in there in the first place. It takes work, but it’s nice to have someone who knows you more intimately than anyone else around sometimes, someone you can burp and fart and talk about freaky shit with until the wee hours. It’s better if they can play scrabble though, because scrabble is fun. I have had a few games this week including a great away game at the Bondi Icebergs that went very late into Tuesday night.

5: I fell over trying to do a headstand in yoga this morning, I laughed my ass off in front of a whole room of “oooouuuhhhmm” humming headstanders. it was a crack up. My goddess yoga instructor came over to see if I was ok. I was much better when she smiled at me. I fell not because I’m that unco, but I’ve got this kooky ear virus that makes you all dizzy at the moment – it’s wierd I tell you.!

What the hell is G listening to this week?

Krafty Kuts: These are the breaks a two disc set that kicks arse. Hip Hop on one and breaks on the other.

So much reggae and Dub it’s Silly: Horace Andy / Lee ‘Scratch’ Perry / whatever it’s all good. Piss off ibiza/chill compilations, I’m laying back Island style.

Like Real Life and their mullets said back in 1983 – send me an email – I’ll try and get to you all! x andrewg